Alright, well I had my first major meltdown last night.
Those who've been through hip arthroscopy understand what this is. Those who haven't...well let's say it's like a very, very long roller coaster, but not the fun type. You have some good days - where it gives you hope that you will someday get back to you're old, active self. But then, the next day: boom. You crash down. You wake up in pain, nothing really relieves you, you don't know what to do with yourself and you wonder when you will ever return to a life without limitations. Yesterday I went at my condo's gym to do my daily 20 minutes cycling to get the joint moving. I was bored (no resistance upright bike is not the most exhilarating experience) and my eyes wandered around, scouting for an interested subject to spy on. There was one dude doing intense v-crunches, one girl sprinting on the spin bike, a couple doing a burpee competition, one girl speeding through knee tucks on a stability ball and two girls being watched by a personal trainer. I looked at them train. Sweating profusely. Out of breath. While there I was, hair down, heart beating at 62BPM, in my big sweater because I was cold. And then I started crying, right there, on my bike, in the gym. It was so frustrating, it felt so unfair. I was those people. Since this past year, I haven't been able to return to any of my sports. No training, no snowboarding, no boxing. Nothing of my favourite things. The whole goal of my first surgery was to get back to my normal life. I knew, correction I know, to NEVER compare myself to others. It's MY recovery. And that I will get there, one day. That I need to focus on myself, on me getting better. But there are days where your brain just says F OFF. And it was one of those days. One of the girls was half-assing her training, and I wanted to walk up to her and tell her "GIVE YOUR 100%. STOP BEING LAZY. BECAUSE YOU CAN GIVE YOUR 100%". I kind of wanted to punch the others in the face too, out of jealousy. But no, jealousy is lame. And a girl slowly walking on crutches isn't very menacing, they'd see me coming from a mile away. So I arrived home, and bawled my eyes out. Luckily, my husband is the best person on earth. He let me cry it out. He held me in his arms. He didn't tell me what to do, or what to not do. He just let me get it out of my system. And encouraged me, that this time is the one. I went to bed, woke up, and today was a new day. Today I had the chance to see two of my awesome awesomest friends, Kim and Betina. They both came over to see me, and Oli drove us to Mamie Clafoutis for pastry-filled girl time. TIME OUT OF THE HOUSE. My first time out of the house doing an activity, actually. And we talked. And laughed. And then I had to stand up, and sit down. And up again. And try to stretch my damn tight hip flexors. It showed me how little endurance my hip has, but the fun had made me forget about the pain. Tonight, rest and ice. Tomorrow, it will be one month. I'm one month closer to getting my life back. I will get there. I will be those people.
1 Comment
Suzie
11/26/2015 17:10:02
Chin up, girl! This IS the surgery and you'll be getting back to burpees in no time! ;) <3
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AuthorMy name is Marie-Christine. I'm 34 years old and live in Montreal, QC, Canada. I have had two failed hip scopes on my right hip to do undiagnosed hip dysplasia. My amazing surgeon, who is in Quebec City, performed periacetabular osteotomy in November 2017. He also did one left hip scope (non dysplastic) in February 2017. Archives
May 2018
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